i swear to god im attractive if you get me in the right light
- me: one time my friend...
- friend: who is this person i don't know them
- me: okay i met them online that's not the point
You’ve never seen a penis?
thinking about my future makes me want to throw up
have you ever gotten to a point in a text conversation where suddENLY EVERYTHING IS CAPSLOCK AND YOU’RE BOTH JUST SCREAMING AT EACH OTHER FOR NO REASON
- Me: talks about fictional characters as if I know them personally
“You should watch this show!”ok i’ll just add it to the list
“This is such a good series you have to read it!”
ok i’ll just add it to the list
“Oh my god you have to see this movie!”
ok i’ll just add it to the list
“You have to play this video game!”
ok i’ll just add it to the list
[kicks door in] i heard u talking shit about my favorite character
if you ever leave my door open and i have to get up and close it myself just know that’s me closing the door on our relationship forever
lays down on the floor and screams about inadequate amounts of queer girls on my tv
i still crack up every time i realize i’m a legal adult
- me: [walking past book store]
- me: [bREATHES HEAVILY]
- mom: no
I am that type of douchebag friend who doesn’t talk with you for weeks but still cares about you and hopes you still care too.
sometimes I think about my own character development
my life is just a collection of poorly made decisions with alternative music playing in the background
